P
Pants – This is quite a new expression – I have no idea where it came from. Anyway, it is now quite trendy to say that something which is total crap is “pants”. For instance you could say the last episode of a TV show was “total pants”.
Pardon me – This is very amusing for Brits in America. Most kids are taught to say “pardon me” if they fart in public or at the table etc. In America it has other meanings which take us Brits a while to figure out. I thought I was surrounded by people with flatulence problems!
Parky – Either short for Michael Parkinson, a famous chat show host, or more likely a word to describe the weather as being rather cold!
Pass – This means I don’t know and comes from the old TV show, Mastermind, where contestants were made to say “pass” if they did not know the answer to the question.
Pavement pizza – Well here the pavement is the sidewalk and a pavement pizza is a descriptive way of saying vomit. Often found outside Indian restaurants early on a Sunday morning.
Peanuts – I hated one of my summer jobs as a kid because it paid peanuts. The full expression is that if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. It is a fairly derogatory way of saying that manual labour doesn’t need to be bright and doesn’t need a lot of pay. Typically these days peanuts means something is cheap. For example we would say the petrol in the USA is peanuts or costs peanuts. Compared to our prices it is.
Pear shaped – If something has gone pear shaped it means it has become a disaster. It might be preparing a dinner party or arranging a meeting, any of these things can go completely pear shaped.
Piece of cake – I remember saying it’s a piece of cake in front of one of my American friends, who then started looking around for the cake! It means it’s a cinch!
Pinch – This means to steal something. Though when you say “steal” it is a bit more serious than pinch. A kid might pinch a cake from the kitchen. A thief would steal something during a burglary.
Pip pip – Another out-dated expression meaning goodbye. Not used any more.
Piss poor – If something is described as being “piss poor” it means it is an extremely poor attempt at something.
Piss up – A piss up is a drinking session. A visit to the pub. There is an English expression to describe someone as disorganised which says that he/she could not organise a piss up in a brewery!
Pissing down – Not the opposite of a piss up this actually refers to extremely heavy rain see "Chucking it Down"!
Pissed – This is a great one for misunderstanding. Most people go to the pub to get pissed. In fact the object of a stag night is to get as pissed as possible. Getting pissed means getting drunk. It does not mean getting angry. That would be getting pissed off!
Pissing around – Fooling about, in the sense of messing around or making fun or just being silly. Not terribly polite.
Plastered – Another word for loaded. In other words you have had rather too much to drink down your local. It has nothing to do with being covered with plaster though anything is possible when you are plastered.
Porkies – More cockney rhyming slang. Short for “porky pies”, meaning “pork pies”. Rhymes with lies. My Mum always used to tell me I was telling porkies! And she was right!
Porridge – Doing porridge means to serve time in prison. There was also a comedy TV series called Porridge about a prisoner starring Ronnie Barker of The Two Ronnies fame.
Posh – Roughly translates as high class, though if you look at Posh Spice there are clearly exceptions to the rule! Comes from the cabins used by the upper class on early voyages from England to India. The coolest (and most expensive cabins) were Port side on the way Out and Starboard on the way Home.
Potty – This isn’t just the thing you sit a toddler on – if you are potty it means you are a little crazy, a bit of a looney, one card short of a full deck.
Pound sign – Ever wondered why Brits flounder when voicemail messages say to press the pound sign? What on earth is the British currency doing on a phone anyway? Well, it isn’t. To a Brit, the pound sign is the wiggly thing we use to denote the UK pound (or quid), in the same way you have a dollar sign.
Prat – Yet another mildly insulting name for someone. In fact, this one is a bit ruder than pillock so you probably wouldn’t say it in front of Grandma.
PTO – This is an abbreviation for “please turn over”. You will see it on forms in the UK where you would see the single word over in the USA.
Puff – If a Brit starts giggling in your local drugstore – it may be because they have just found a box of Puffs. To some of us Brits a Puff is another word for a fart. Stems from the cockney rhyming slang, to “Puff a dart”.
Puke – To puke is to vomit or to be sick. You may also hear someone say “you make me puke” – though I hope not! That would mean “you make me sick”.
Pukka – This term has been revived recently by one of our popular young TV chefs. It means super or smashing, which of course is how he describes all his food.
Pull – Me and the lads used to go to the disco when we were on the pull. It means looking for birds. Of course, it works the other way round too. The ladies may also be on the pull, though probably a bit more subtly than the chaps!
Pussy – This is what we call our cat, as in “pussy cat”, or in the fairytale, Puss in Boots. So if you have a Brit neighbour who asks if you have seen their pussy – try to keep a straight face and think back the last time you saw their cat!
Put a sock in it – This is one way of telling someone to shut up. Clearly the sock needs to be put in their loud mouth!
Put paid to – This is an expression which means to put an end to something. For example you could say that rain put paid to the cricket match, meaning it stopped play.
Q
Queer – Apart from the obvious gay link, this word used to be used a lot to mean someone looked ill. As in “You look queer”. Of course you might not say that these days in case you get either picked up, or thumped!
Quid – A pound in money is called a quid. It is the equivalent to the buck or clam in America. A five pound note is called a fiver and a ten pound note is called a tenner.
Quite – When used alone, this word means the same as absolutely!
R
Rat arsed – Yet another term for drunk, sloshed or plastered. You might say loaded. In the UK, loaded is a men’s magazine that covers sex and football.
Read – If someone asks you what you read at university, they mean what was your major at school.
Really – This is one of those words where you say almost the same thing as us, but just can’t be fagged to finish it off. The word is “really”, not real. You say things like it’s real hot, something’s real cool, a baby is real cute. If we said that we would be sent to the back of the class for our grammar – or lack of it!
Redundancy – If you are made redundant it means you are laid off.
Reverse the charges – When you want to ring someone up and you have no money you can call the operator and ask to reverse the charges in the UK. In the US you would call collect.
Right – I’m feeling right knackered. That would mean you were feeling very tired.
Ring – You would ring someone on the phone not call them, in the UK. Try saying “give me a ring” to the next Brit you meet. This does not work well in reverse. I asked someone in a shop to ring me up and he dragged me to the till and pulled my head across the scanner!
Roger – Same kind of problem that Randy has here, except we have people called Roger and no Randys. You will see a strange smile on the face of a Brit every time “Roger the Rabbit” is mentioned!! To roger means to have your wicked way with a lady. My Oxford English Dictionary says to copulate. You might say screw.
Round – When you hear the words “your round” in the pub, it means it is your turn to buy the drinks for everyone in the group – nothing to do with the size of your tummy! Since beers are more and more expensive these days, the art of buying the rounds has developed into ensuring you buy the first one before everyone has arrived, without being obvious!
Row – Rhymes with “cow” this means an argument. You might hear your Mum having a row with your Dad, or your neighbours might be rowing so loud you can hear them!
Rubbish – The stuff we put in the bin. Trash or garbage to you. You might also accuse someone of talking rubbish.
Rugger – This is short for “rugby”. It is a contact sport similar to your football but played in muddy fields during winter and rain. Not only that, but the players wear almost no protection!
Rumpy pumpy – Another word for hanky panky, or a bit of nookie! Something two consenting adults get up to in private! Theoretically!
S
Sack/sacked – If someone gets the sack it means they are fired. Then they have been sacked. I can think of a few people I’d like to sack!
Sad – This is a common word, with the same meaning as naff. Used in expressions like “you sad b***ard”.
Scrummy – This is a word that would be used to describe either some food that was particularly good (and probably sweet and fattening).
Scrumping – To go stealing – usually apples from someone elses trees!
Send-up – To send someone up is to make fun of them. Or if something is described as being a send-up it is equivalent to your take-off. Like Robin Williams does a take-off on the British accent – quite well actually!
Shag – Same as bonk but slightly less polite. At seventies parties watch the look of surprise on the Englishman’s face when an American girl asks him if he would like to shag. Best way to get a Brit to dance that I know! You can even go to shagging classes!
Shagged – Past tense of shag, but also see knackered.
Shambles – If something is a shambles it is chaotic or a real mess. It’s also a very old name for a slaughterhouse. So if you ever visit The Shambles in York, then the name does not refer to the somewhat shambolic nature of the buildings; it’s a reference to the site it’s built on – an old slaughterhouse!
Shambolic – In a state of chaos. Generally heard on the news when the government is being discussed!
Shirty – “Don’t get shirty with me young man” was what my Dad used to tell me when I was little. He was referring to my response to his telling off for doing some terrible little boy thing. Like tying my brother to the back of Mum’s car or putting my shoes in the toilet. It meant I was getting bad tempered.
Shite – This is just another way of saying shit. It is useful for times when you don’t want to be overly rude as it doesn’t sound quite as bad!
Shitfaced – If you hear someone saying that they got totally shitfaced it means they were out on the town and got steaming drunk. Normally attributed to stag nights or other silly events.
Shufti – Pronounced shooftee, this means to take a look at something, to take a butchers! It’s an old Arabic word, picked up by British soldiers during World War II, in North Africa.
Sixes and sevens – If something is all at sixes and sevens then it is in a mess, topsy turvy or somewhat haywire!
Skew-whiff – This is what you would call crooked. Like when you put a shelf up and it isn’t straight we would say it is all skew-whiff.
Skive – To skive is to evade something. When I was a kid we used to skive off school on Wednesdays instead of doing sports. We always got caught of course, presumably because the teachers used to do the same when they were fourteen!
Slag – To slag someone off, is to bad mouth them in a nasty way. Usually to their face.
Slapper – A slapper is a female who is a bit loose. A bit like a slag or a tart. Probably also translates into tramp in American.
Slash – Something a lager lout might be seen doing in the street after his curry – having a slash. Other expressions used to describe this bodily function include; siphon the python, shake the snake, wee, pee, piss, piddle and having a jimmy.
Sloshed – Yet another way to describe being drunk. Clearly we need a lot of ways to describe it since getting plastered is a national pastime.
Smarmy – Another word for a smoothy, someone who has a way with the ladies for example. Usually coupled with “git” – as in “what a smarmy git”. Not meant to be a nice expression, of course.
Smart – When we say someone is smart, we are talking about the way they are dressed – you might say they look sharp. When you say someone is smart you are talking about how intelligent or clever they are.
Smashing – If something is smashing, it means it is terrific.
Smeg – This is a rather disgusting word, popularised by the TV show, Red Dwarf. Short for smegma, the dictionary definition says it is a “sebaceous secretion from under the foreskin”. Now you know why it has taken me 3 years to add it in here. Not nice! Rather worryingly smeg is also the name of a company that makes ovens!!!
Snap – This is the name of a card game where the players turn cards at the same time and shout “snap” when they match. People also say “snap” when something someone else says has happened to them too. For example when I told somebody that my wallet was stolen on holiday, they said “snap”, meaning that theirs had too!
Snog – If you are out on the pull you will know you are succeeding if you end up snogging someone of the opposite sex (or same sex for that matter!). It would probably be referred to as making out in American, or serious kissing!
Snookered – If you are snookered it means you are up the famous creek without a paddle. It comes from the game of snooker where you are unable to hit the ball because the shot is blocked by your opponent’s ball.
Sod – This word has many uses. My father always used to say “Oh Sod!” or “Sod it!” if something went wrong and he didn’t want to swear too badly in front of the children. If someone is a sod or an “old sod” then it means they are a bit of a bastard or an old git. “Sod off” is like saying “piss off” or “get lost” & “sod you” means something like “f*** off”. It also means a chunk of lawn of course. You can usually tell the difference!
Sod all – If you are a waiter in America and you serve a family of Brits, the tip is likely to be sod all or as you would call it – nothing. Because we don’t know about tipping.
Sod’s law – This is another name for Murphy’s law – whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.
Sorted – When you have fixed a problem and someone asks how it is going you might say “sorted”. It’s also popular these days to say “get it sorted” when you are telling someone to get on with the job.
Speciality – This is another one where you chaps drop your “I”. when I first saw specialty written down in the US I thought it was a mistake. But no! We love our I’s!
Spend a penny – To spend a penny is to go to the bathroom. It is a very old fashioned expression that still exists today. It comes from the fact that in ladies loos you used to operate the door by inserting an old penny.
Splash out – If you splash out on something – it means you throw your senses out the window, get out your credit card and spend far too much money. You might splash out on a new car or even on a good meal.
Squidgy – A chocolate cream cake would be squidgey. It means to be soft and, well, squidgey!
Squiffy – This means you are feeling a little drunk. Some people also use it to mean that something has gone wrong.
Starkers – Avoid being seen starkers when visiting England. It means stark naked.
Stiffy – Yet another word for erection.
Stone the crows – This is an old expression with the same meaning as “cor blimey“.
Stonker – This means something is huge. Looking at the burger you might say “blimey what a stonker”. It is also used to refer to an erection! Clearly English modesty is a myth!
Stonking – This weird word means huge. You might say “what a stonking great burger” if you were in an American burger joint.
Strop – If someone is sulking or being particularly miserable you would say they are being stroppy or that they have a strop on. I heard an old man on the train tell his wife to stop being a stroppy cow.
Stuff – A recent headline in the New Statesman read “stuff the millennium”. Using stuff in this context is a polite way of saying “f*** the millennium”. Who cares! Stuff it! You can also say “stuff him” or “stuff her” meaning they can sod off.
Suss – If you heard someone saying they had you sussed they would mean that they had you figured out! If you were going to suss out something it would mean the same thing.
Sweet fanny adams – This means nothing or sod all. It is a substitute for “sweet f*** all”. It is also shortened further to “sweet F A”.
Swotting – Swotting means to study hard, the same as cram does. Before exams we used to swot, not that it made any difference to some of us. If you swotted all the time, you would be called a swot – which is not a term of endearment!
T
Ta – We said “ta” as kids in Liverpool for years before we even knew it was short for thanks.
Table – We use this word in exactly the opposite way. To us a motion is tabled when it is brought to the table, or suggested for consideration. You table a motion when it is left for a later date.
Taking the biscuit – If something really takes the biscuit, it means it out-does everything else and cannot be bettered. Some places in America they said takes the cake.
Taking the mickey – See taking the piss. Variations include “taking the mick” and “taking the Michael”.
Taking the piss – One of the things Americans find hardest about the Brits is our sense of humour. It is obviously different and is mainly based on irony, sarcasm and an in-built desire to “take the piss”. This has nothing to do with urine, but simply means making fun of someone.
Talent – Talent is the same as totty. Checking out the talent means looking for the sexy young girls (or boys I suppose).
Tara – Pronounced “churar”, this is another word for cheerio or goodbye. Cilla Black, a scouse TV presenter has probably done most to promote the use of this word as she says it all the time on her programmes.
Throw a spanner in the works – This is an expression that means to wreck something.
Tickety-boo – If something is going well with no problems we would say it is tickety-boo.
Tidy – Apart from the obvious meaning of neat, tidy also means that a woman is a looker, attractive or sexy.
To – We go to school from ages 5 to 18. You might go to school from ages 5 thru 18. We don’t say thru in that context at all. If we did though, we would say “through”!
Todger – As if we don’t have enough of them already, this is yet another word for your willy, or penis.
Toodle pip – This is an old expression meaning goodbye. However, I only hear it when Americans are doing impressions of Brits as it has fallen into disuse, along with steam trains and gas lights.
Tool – Yet another word for your willy or penis. You’d think we were obsessed.
Tosser – This is another word for wanker and has exactly the same meaning and shares the same hand signal. Unfortunately my house in Texas was in Tossa Lane, which was a problem when telling older members of the family where to write to me!
Totty – If a chap is out looking for totty, he is looking for a nice girl to chat up. There is an Italian football player called Totti – which is pronounced the same. It’s really funny hearing the commentators when he gets the ball saying “it’s Totty for Italy”. It sounds like some beautiful Italian girlies have invaded the pitch.
TTFN – Short for “ta ta for now”. Which in turn means goodbye! Said by older folks and one Radio Two DJ in particular.
Twat – Another word used to insult someone who has upset you. Also means the same as fanny but is less acceptable in front of your grandmother, as this refers to parts of the female anatomy. Another use for the same word is to twat something, which would be to hit it hard. Get it right or I’ll twat you over the head!
Twee – Twee is a word you would generally hear older people say. It means dainty or quaint. A bit like the way you chaps think of England I suppose.
Twit – You twit! Not so rude as calling someone an idiot but it amounts to the same thing. Remember Monty Python’s “Twit of the Year” competition? Other versions include “nitwit”.
Two finger salute – When you see a Brit stick up two fingers at you in a V shape, he may be ordering two of something (if his palms are toward you). The other way around and it’s an insult along the lines of your one finger salute. Which, by the way, is very popular here now too!
U
U – A letter used far more in British. It is in words like colour, favour, labour etc. I think this is why UK keyboards have 102 characters on them instead of your 101, or is it because they have a pound sign on them?
Uni – Short for university, we would say we went to uni like you would say you went to school. School here is just for kids.
W
Wacky backy – This is the stuff in a joint, otherwise known as pot or marijuana!
Waffle – To waffle means to talk on and on about nothing. It is not something you eat. Americans often think that Brits waffle on about the weather. The truth of course is that our news reports last 60-120 seconds and the weather man is not hyped up to be some kind of superstar as he is on the TV in the US. If you want to see an example of real waffle watch the weather channel in Texas where there is nothing to talk about other than it is hot and will remain so for the next 6 months. Another example is the ladies who waffle on about anything on the Home Shopping Network. They would probably be classed as professional wafflers!
Wangle – Some people have all the luck. I know some people that can wangle anything; upgrades on planes, better rooms in hotels. You know what I mean.
Wank – This is the verb to describe the action a wanker participates in.
Wanker – This is a derogatory term used to describe someone who is a bit of a jerk. It actually means someone who masturbates and also has a hand signal that can be done with one hand at people that cannot see you shouting “wanker” at them. This is particularly useful when driving.
Watcha – Simply means Hi. Also short for “what do you” as in “watcha think of that?"
Waz – On average, it seems that for every pint of lager you need to go for a waz twice! A complete waste of time in a serious drinking session. It means wee or pee.
Well – Well can be used to accentuate other words. for example someone might be “well hard” to mean he is a real man, as opposed to just “hard“. Something really good might be “well good”. Or if you were really really pleased with something you might be “well chuffed”. Grammatically it’s appalling but people say it anyway.
Welly – If you “give it welly”, it means you are trying harder or giving it the boot. An example would be when accelerating away from lights, you would give it welly to beat the guy in the mustang convertible in the lane next to you. Welly is also short for wellington boots, which are like your galoshes.
Whinge – Whingers are not popular in any circumstance. To whinge is to whine. We all know someone who likes to whinge about everything.
Willy – Another word for penis. It is the word many young boys are taught as it is a nicer word than most of the alternatives. Some people also use it for girls as there are no nice alternatives. Hence “woman’s willy”. Also used by grown ups who don’t wish to offend (this word is safe to use with elderly Grandparents).
Wind up – This has a couple of meanings. If something you do is a “wind up” it means you are making fun of someone. However it you are “wound up” it means you are annoyed.
Wobbler – To “throw a wobbly” or to “throw a wobbler” means to have a tantrum. Normally happens when you tell your kids they can’t have an ice cream or that it’s time for bed.
Wonky – If something is shaky or unstable you might say it is wonky. For example I changed my chair in a restaurant recently because I had a wonky one.
Write to – When visiting the US one can’t help noticing that you write each other. You don’t “write to” each other. Here it would be grammatically incorrect to say “write me” and you would be made to write it out 100 times until you got it right.
Y
Yakking – This means talking incessantly – not that I know anyone who does that now!
Yonks – “Blimey, I haven’t heard from you for yonks”. If you heard someone say that it would mean that they had not seen you for ages!
Zed – The last letter of the alphabet. The English hate saying zee and only relent with names such as ZZ Top (Zed Zed Top does sound a bit stupid!).
Zonked – If someone is zonked or “zonked out” it means they are totally knackered or you might say exhausted. When a baby has drunk so much milk, his eyes roll into the back of his head, it would be fair to say he was zonked!
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